14 Comforting Mantras to Remember When S*#T Hits the Fan

The other day, I was talking on the phone with a good friend about recent transitions, changes and hurts I've been experiencing. Before I even had a chance to realize it, I found myself going through a breakup and moving to another living space while the seasons changed. And no, the two aren't related! Although I believe that what happened was meant to be, everything happening at once is a lot to process for anyone. In this phone conversation I had with my friend, we talked about feeling exhausted and overwhelmed and how these feelings often accompany a time of transition. We also talked about the importance of the "how" we handle these times. It is through self care, reaching out and surrounding ourselves with support and love no matter what we're going through. These habits make the process of healing from hurt and adjusting to transition much easier. We are more open to learn and grow if we can practice kindness to ourselves and realize that we are so worth it no matter what we are going through.

Two weeks ago, I came back from traveling. Along my travels, I was in North Carolina where I saw Brené Brown speak live. She is a well-known author, writer and TED speaker. Her talk, "The Power of Vulnerability" is one of the top 5 most viewed! She studies and shares her work on shame, courage, connection, worthiness and vulnerability. Her work has inspired me in so many ways and continues to help me in my own growth. Some of the mantras I mention here come from her work.

Also, I chose this photo of trees for a reason. I was also in British Columbia about two weeks ago for my travels and there, I saw many beautiful trees, as old as 1000 years. It struck me that we are like trees. We may sway in our lives when things happen, but our roots continue to grow and hold us to the ground where our true strength lies.

Be Authentic: When we deny our stories, they define us. When we own our stories, we get to write a brave new ending. Own where you're at, wherever that is.

Reach Out: asking for help is never weakness. It is strength. Connect with close friends (in person) who accept you for who you are. There is always support.  

Be Present: this is about allowing ourselves to feel our feelings (there is great power in dropping the resistance and just letting ourselves feel the hurt, anger, confusion etc. without judgement). All emotions are beautiful. 

Take a Step Back and Slow Down realize that "doing" can wait; feeling good from within is the most important thing. Rest, take a break, a nap, a breath. Letting our body rest is the best way to prevent burnout. 

Practice Self Care Every Day do small things each day to nourish yourself. Feed yourself, take a bath, sleep, exercise, do yoga. 

Take Off The Pressure let yourself be imperfect. Let yourself be silly, weird and not so serious. It's okay to mess up and fall down. We all do.

Be Kind and Gentle Towards Yourself often we can be our own worst critic. Try talking to yourself the way you would talk to someone you love. 

One Step at a Time rather than trying to do it all at once, focus on the one thing you can do right now to feel good. Many of us, including myself, can become addicted to over-busying ourselves. We get busy to numb our emotions. We get busy when we put our self worth into how much we're doing, rather than who we are. There is great power and freedom in doing less, I'm finding.

Focus on What You DO Have Control Over vs. what we don't. What we focus on grows. So when we focus on what we can affect and impact in ourselves, we are truly in charge.

Celebrate Every Single Step rather than steamrolling over the small things to get to the big things. The small things put together are the big things. The small things are the ones that matter at the end of the day.

You are Unconditionally Worthy of Love and Belonging no matter how much you're doing, what you're doing, who you're with or not with, YOU ARE ENOUGH. There is immeasurable love, power and strength within you, even when we may not feel it.

What Can I Learn? each experience is there to make us stronger. Every experience has a lesson in it if we're open to learning. Be open.

Life Loves You God, The Universe, whatever force you believe in, is working in your favor and taking care of you. Trust in your intuitions and the signs life puts in front of you. They are not random. 

This Too Shall Pass No experience, feeling or thought is permanent. No matter it is, it will pass.

Was The Sex Amazing!?

I think that at some point in our lives, we all settle in situations that do not honor our strongest and most authentic selves. Why I preface this post by asking you if you've had amazing sex? Because it is a metaphor for life. Just like we all deserve amazing, wild, mind-blowing, soul-quenching sex, we deserve amazing in all categories in our lives. In our work, friendships, daily routines, plans and travels.

Sometimes we settle for less for a few reasons. Maybe we think amazing doesn't exist. Or even worse, that we don't deserve it. I'm saying this because I know these are the reasons. At least they were mine before I knew what was possible to experience in life and more importantly before I realized that I really am awesome and can do awesome things with my life.

So I get it. It takes experience to believe something to be possible. But it also takes believing it's possible for us to experience it. Both pieces are important and both pieces are sealed by our actual initiative to get out there, act and explore with an open mind.

I wanted to write this post because I know that we are all in this together. We all want amazing, soul-quenching experiences. I want this post to be your permission to take action, your permission to dream and your permission to claim your unconditional worthiness.

This means that you are worthy of everything you want now. No prerequisites required. You are worthy and beautiful and enough as you are, now. You don't need to lose weight, be in a relationship, have a certain amount of money or change anything about who you are to be worthy of amazing.

Was the sex amazing? It's hard to know if we don't give ourselves permission to believe in it. It's hard to know if we don't say no to shitty sex so that we can actually make space for amazing sex. But it stops being hard when we decide that we deserve and want better. I posted a quote on Facebook today that goes like this,

"The time will pass anyway. You can either spend it creating the life you want or spend it living the life you don't want. The choice is yours." 

I know, it sounds like a tall order, but the thing is that this is your life. And it's not going to last forever. So it's worth the risk, work and discipline when you are actually creating the kind of experiences you want to be living. Either way the time will pass so we might as well make sure the sex is amazing.

Love Your Imperfections

It's been a little while since I've blogged and I've missed it. So I am back with another heart-filled post and it feels good.

Today I want to talk about imperfection and why you need to fall in love with the part of you that fucks up, falls down and gets back up. Yup, I said fall in love. And I know it's possible because I started this journey about three years ago and it's been the most rewarding and fulfilling work I've done in my personal growth.

Our imperfect self is our authentic self. If we want to shine, grow and feel beautiful, this is it.

I know for a fact that if I never let myself fall apart and learned to love every messy bit of myself, I wouldn't be having the kind of perspective-opening and heart-expanding experiences that I do. You know why? Because being imperfect is liberating. It takes away a lot of the barriers that get in the way of living through our passion, love and power.

Embracing our imperfection is the doorway out of isolation and into living wholeheartedly. 

Let me ask you to do something with me now. Take a moment to explore your imperfections- what parts of yourself have you maybe held back out of shame or the belief that in that part you couldn't shine? Because you were afraid that if you showed that part of yourself, it would somehow not be okay or make you "less than."

Well let me take a moment to challenge that belief.
What if you suspended your judgement for a moment and leaned into those very parts with love?
What if you fully embraced those imperfections? What if you realized that those parts make you fucking awesome?

Our imperfections make us human. They make you who you are. And being who you are is insanely attractive.

Over the past few months, I've had a few opportunities to own my story. All of it. My imperfections, messy bits and vulnerability. Those moments have been both powerful and inspiring. Why? Because owning our story gives us the power to write the next chapter. It empowers us.

A few weeks ago I was at a leadership conference. I found myself speaking about mental health and the challenges we face when we go through dark times. To a public audience. Owning my story took courage, but I also got to speak about how we move through these dark times and find our strength and light in them. It was a life-changing moment.

And you know what? I've been realizing that we all want to be our imperfect, human selves, but the pressure we put on ourselves to be this impressive, achieving person gets in the way. Our culture often sets the bar to this way of being. "Do it all and make it look effortless" is the message.Well fuck that. Seriously!

When we hide our imperfections on our chase for excellence so that we can please people who we don't even know, we lose our spirit. It's exhausting and soul-sucking.  

Luckily, there is another way.

We have the choice to be all that we are. Yes, it takes being a bit of a rebel, but in being who we are, we give others the permission to do the same. We give each other permission to be free.

The truth is that perfection had nothing to do with greatness or being our best selves. Striving for greatness is about personal growth, while perfection is about pleasing other people. Totally different ball game folks.

At the end of the day, it comes down to the choice we make to be real. Are we willing to be uncomfortable and take of the mask? I think in a world where our purpose here is to connect, its worth the risk.

Because in our willingness to be imperfect, we open up the necessary space for greater connection and becoming our strongest, most alive and authentic selves.

A Poem for Free Spirits

This is for those of you who want to be free
Who crave it and relish in it,

This is for those of you who need to break the rules and set boundaries,
Who need to quit the job that isn't working and admit to what needs to change,
Who need travel more than once a year and to go to places where the heart calls upon,

This is for those who seek passion and aren't afraid to ignite their fire and seek other beings whose fire matches theirs.

In the name of sharing love, the Universe expects you to grow, shine and express your spirit in every way possible,

You are here to inspire and be the light that you are,
So be wild and dance in raw vibrations,
You are here to sing a new song and lay in rugged pathways under the burning sun,
You are here to love and be love,

You are,
So be.

This is for you, you free, wild spirit,
Stay free in all your glory and keep opening sunlit pathways with your essence,
It is why you are here and where you breathe.

Purpose: We Are Here to Connect. Period.

Today after yoga, I connected with a friend where our conversation resonated on so many notes. It was so satisfying. As I left and got myself a coffee, while writing, I connected so powerfully with the truth that we are here to connect. Period. According to research and the work of Brene Brown, who I deeply respect, we are neurologically, biologically and physically wired for connection.

Whether it is a friend who just "gets it", a mentor who inspires us to live our dream, a spontaneous meeting with a stranger who reminds us that life is short and we need to spend it making the most positive impact that we possibly can. Or with a man or woman who we find that fire with.

Soulful connections. Nourishing encounters. Connection is what brings purpose and meaning to our lives. It's about we, not me. Of course the work starts from within, but it is actually through this process that we realize that its the simple things that matter. That hug. That cup of tea. That friend who was there when we broke down.

Life is all about relationships and I've realized that the greatest work we will ever do is to find the patience, compassion and courage to cultivate them. With friends, with a partner, with ourselves, and in our work with our team and the people whose lives we affect in how we serve the world. These relationships shape our world.

So this is my call for action. Be the love that you are. And if you're hurting, let yourself feel it. Be angry, be sad, love your sadness, but keep your heart open. The world needs your love. Love is why we're here. It's our most fundamental energy, the power within us and where we shine. When we give love, we become open to receive it. There are times when I wanted to close up- one situation, one person and I wanted to close shop. Beat vulnerability to the punch and be too busy for it to catch up with me. But this wouldn't last long- its so much more exhausting to resist. When we stop fighting, we allow love into our lives.

Wherever we come from, whatever our past, love is always here. It's in us and limitless. It's who we are. Love always loves you. Sometimes its less about "finding" love and more about removing all the blocks we have set up against it. 

So this is me standing for love. Even if it hurts. Even though its hard even admitting all of this now. Because truth sometimes hurts. But it's real and we are here to be real, express and experience raw, soulful connection with everyone around us.

Follow Your Heart and it Will Lead You to Ecstasy

Stop for a moment. Or two. Just stop everything and stretch beyond your daily routine. You are more than your job. More than your circumstances. You are pure energy. You are pure ecstatic energy and love. Yes, you are love. And that love comes from within.

Do you feel the beat? Do you hear the voice? Are you listening?

Sometimes its only in moments of stillness that we find the quiet whisper of our heart.

It speaks to us in vibrations of love. It tells us what our dreams are, makes us realize that we need to get up and go make them happen, and it stares us straight in our soul to tell us what we need to let go of. Because that shit is too heavy to keep around.

It tells us what we need to face. Where we need to heal. And trust me, sometimes being in stillness forces us to see the messy bits, the painful bits and the bits that hurt like hell. But when we can practice the courage to be with those bits, love them and move through them, we are truly free. Its when we practice the courage to surrender to our truth and let go that we realize is ain't so bad. When we are able to be okay with what comes up from inside, we are able to truly heal, move past and let go.
 
All the answers we are looking for lie within. It's really just a matter of taking the time to slow down and open up. I literally create space in my schedule where nothing is planned. Time to embrace uncertainty and allow truth to come up. If we are constantly in "making things happen" mode, our truth can't catch up with us. It's in moments of freedom, space and uncertainty that we receive.

Finding balance in our life demands that we create space for both certainty, planning and goals as well as uncertainty. The two actually compliment each other. We need to slow down to find our truth, re calibrate, reconnect, disconnect from the voices around us to hear our call for adventure. And then we need the action and planning to make the adventure happen. The best adventures are the callings from our heart. So let's begin this one.

Are you ready?

Do This During Tough Times

During every tough time, we need to first of all remind ourselves that we all experience pain, joy, loss, ups and downs. This is the cycle of the life. We are not alone. In fact, it is through our vulnerabilities that we unite.

And really, the most powerful thing we can do when shit happens or when we feel like a mess, it to surrender to the mess. Yes, I said it. Surrender to the mess, love it, embrace it, let go, trust and reach out to the people who are worthy of holding space for your story. This is literally a process I've experienced enough to know that it not only works, but its how we grow and find the light in whatever situation we are going through. When we let go, we literally allow space to heal and for the answers to come.

Everything happens for a reason. Sometimes we don't see the purpose or lesson behind an experience until later. These words by Steve Jobs emphasize the point I'm trying to make here. It's absolutely brilliant.

“You can’t connect the dots looking forward; you can only connect them looking backwards. So you have to trust that the dots will somehow connect in your future. You have to trust in something – your gut, destiny, life, karma, whatever. Because believing that the dots will connect down the road will give you the confidence to follow your heart even when it leads you off the well worn path; and that will make all the difference."

So we really need to trust. Trust that everything happens for a reason. Trust that we will always have the tools we need to handle any given situation. That if we slow down and look within, we will find all the answers. And we need to let go and trust that in allowing ourselves to embrace whatever we are going through, no matter how shitty or messy or painful, that this too is a season. That it will pass. But for now, we can be present with it. We can open up with compassion. And find that when we do this, we are free.

Meditation has really taught me this. In a recent group meditation class I participated in, I was grateful for the space to realize what we sometimes forget when we live in a fast-paced city like Toronto.While we have thoughts and we are able to choose the thoughts that feel the best, we are not our thoughts.

We are more than our thoughts.

During meditation, we focus on the breath and tune into our body. We become present. We let go of judgement and just observe our thoughts without becoming too involved in their meaning. Just observing with compassion. At some point during practice, we find ourselves in a space that is more than the stories of our mind. Call it spirit, space or transcendence, what I've found to be the most powerful experience is to see how fulfilling and enough the present moment is. Creating space from our busy lives to slow down and be in the present moment, we are able to be more present throughout the day, live more simply and be more clear about whats most important to us.

And most importantly, we find more freedom.