Do This During Tough Times

During every tough time, we need to first of all remind ourselves that we all experience pain, joy, loss, ups and downs. This is the cycle of the life. We are not alone. In fact, it is through our vulnerabilities that we unite.

And really, the most powerful thing we can do when shit happens or when we feel like a mess, it to surrender to the mess. Yes, I said it. Surrender to the mess, love it, embrace it, let go, trust and reach out to the people who are worthy of holding space for your story. This is literally a process I've experienced enough to know that it not only works, but its how we grow and find the light in whatever situation we are going through. When we let go, we literally allow space to heal and for the answers to come.

Everything happens for a reason. Sometimes we don't see the purpose or lesson behind an experience until later. These words by Steve Jobs emphasize the point I'm trying to make here. It's absolutely brilliant.

“You can’t connect the dots looking forward; you can only connect them looking backwards. So you have to trust that the dots will somehow connect in your future. You have to trust in something – your gut, destiny, life, karma, whatever. Because believing that the dots will connect down the road will give you the confidence to follow your heart even when it leads you off the well worn path; and that will make all the difference."

So we really need to trust. Trust that everything happens for a reason. Trust that we will always have the tools we need to handle any given situation. That if we slow down and look within, we will find all the answers. And we need to let go and trust that in allowing ourselves to embrace whatever we are going through, no matter how shitty or messy or painful, that this too is a season. That it will pass. But for now, we can be present with it. We can open up with compassion. And find that when we do this, we are free.

Meditation has really taught me this. In a recent group meditation class I participated in, I was grateful for the space to realize what we sometimes forget when we live in a fast-paced city like Toronto.While we have thoughts and we are able to choose the thoughts that feel the best, we are not our thoughts.

We are more than our thoughts.

During meditation, we focus on the breath and tune into our body. We become present. We let go of judgement and just observe our thoughts without becoming too involved in their meaning. Just observing with compassion. At some point during practice, we find ourselves in a space that is more than the stories of our mind. Call it spirit, space or transcendence, what I've found to be the most powerful experience is to see how fulfilling and enough the present moment is. Creating space from our busy lives to slow down and be in the present moment, we are able to be more present throughout the day, live more simply and be more clear about whats most important to us.

And most importantly, we find more freedom.

"Dear Heart, I Will Open You Up Again"

Every moment, we can open up our heart. I find there are so many things these days that keep people all closed up. Past hurt that hasn't had space to heal. Or simply the fear of facing the vulnerability of opening up our heart, because its a wild thing, you know. We don't always know what to expect until we actually let go.

Many of us learn to run away from pain- out of fear or simply habit. But mostly fear. Fear of the unknown. Fear of "What will they, the critics, think?" But our judgement of labeling our pain as "bad" or unattractive or something that makes us less worthy of love and belonging, is exactly what gets in the way of experiencing joy, love and belonging.

So what we need to do is let go of the judgement and surrender to who we are. To what is. That is the most beautiful thing. We need to flip the coin and take every opportunity to open up to our present experience, especially in a world that is obsessed with more. As if we need more of something else to be happy.

There is nothing more worthy and available to bring us happiness and fulfillment than this present moment.

The problem with a constant chase to have more is that we lose sight of what is available to us right now. We miss the magic of what we already have. We miss out on the opportunity to be grateful for it. I'm coming to terms, time and time again, that no matter how much we plan and predict, we can create goals for the sake of focus and direction, but we don't how it will all play out. The future is so unknown.

There is only now. This moment. How we feel now. And with the embracing of it, we unfold into the future from our present state.

When we find the happiness now, we don't have any need to control the future because we have not put our happiness in it. Our happiness is now. And from this place, the future has no choice but to also unfold in happiness.

As many of you know, I've been a huge fan of Brené Brown. Both her books, "The Gifts of Imperfection" and "Daring Greatly" I've read multiple times. And recently took a course this past January covering all of her research and what has emerged as essential for us to feel connection and meaning in our lives. It's absolutely changed my life. And also keeps me coming back to what I realize is important. 

We need to see ourselves as unconditionally worthy and enough, no matter what happens or what our circumstances are. Job or no job, more money or less money, boyfriend or no boyfriend. We need to see that yes, we are all "Imperfect and wired for struggle, but worthy of love and belonging" at every point throughout the journey.

Worthy of love and belonging now, no matter what. We need to be okay with where we are now so that we can see that its an opportunity and its beautiful and its enough. It's an opportunity to grow and learn about love. 

It's saying, "This is the way I feel and it's okay. This is what I'm doing, this is what I have and its enough. I am enough, just the way I am."

We came to this earth to love and be happy and drink up life experience and love ourselves no matter what. This realization that our worthiness has no prerequisites has completely impacted the way I live my life. Because it allows us to be more present with who we are and the love we can feel in this moment if we choose to open our hearts up. No matter what we've been through, we can always learn to open up again. In fact, we might just have to. 

A Poem For Healing Hearts

When the darkness has set,

and you're all alone,

when the pain fires up,

right to your bone

When the corners are tight,

and the walls crumble down,

be kind to yourself,

it's not a fight

Love your pain, 

because it will go,

love your pain,

because you're more than you know

   Move with it like its a luscious wave,
     Yes, salt in your eyes and balancing tall,

                  But you'll find your stand,

                         Even if you fall

                                                                         Just get back up with compassionate arms,

                                                                                Yes, there will be another.

                                                                          More sparkling eyes looking into souls,

                                                                         More deep kisses against warm skin,

                                                                         It's the law of nature,

                                                                            And your journey to find the love within.

Stop Playing Safe.

Safety. We love it. Our schedules and routines help us stay comfortable. And the people who don't want to grow will remind us that we "should" just do the right thing and follow the path of A B C.

But honestly, fuck that.

There are different ways to find our happiness and purpose and live our passion. One comfy formula doesn't work for many of us. Many of us dream of traveling off the beaten path, yet we rationalize and delay the very impulses that remind us of our aliveness. 

There are so many ways to build a successful career, meet awesome people, feel good and become educated. If we are going to be ourselves and live our unique lives, then we need to be willing to find the journey that speaks to our intuition. 

And following this calling with relentless passion and persistence. Yes, I mean doing the thing that scares you. It's the only way we grow.

When we open up to seeing that there are different ways to do things and become successful, and that the very definition of success is up to us, we give ourselves permission to dream.

How can we possibly dream if the way we see our path is limited and we don't see the many possibilities?

Each of us has a different journey and if we look at many leaders, entrepreneurs and people who are successful, we can observe so many different formulas. Going to university, college, getting a certification, starting a business, traveling, starting a blog/YouTube channel, getting certified, reading, therapy, mentoring, life coaching- these are all tools that leverage our experience and skills base so that we can work and live in what is aligned with our values.

There is not one item on this list, or combination that is "right." Instead of comparing our path to others or making choices according to what we think is the easy path, lets define success and our path to it on our own terms. This applies to every area of our lives.

Do something dangerous. Do something outside the box. Think outside the box. It doesn't mean we necessarily need to go out and backpack around the world (although this is one pretty awesome way) or run a marathon or make a million. Our risks may mean thinking differently, we can do little things, take things one step at a time, whatever your adventure calls you to do.

What matters at the end of the day is that we are growing, opening up and coming alive to the possibilities around us and love within us. So whatever your blueprint, definition or journey is, however you go about igniting your spirit, own that.

LOVE is a choice.

Each of us has our own experience and meaning when it comes to love. And rightly so, because there are so many different ways to experience, express and channel it. Love is limitless.

What I've discovered along my journey is that we all have love within us. It is the most powerful energy we have and are, and when manifested in our relationships and work, has the power to move mountains.

While there are many experiences and expressions, what I know for sure about love and connection, is that we cultivate it when we allow our most vulnerable selves to be seen. Mustering the courage to express our deepest feelings is a risk. And so is speaking up and asking for what we need. But these are the essentials of self love. Simply being ourselves is a risk, but we will always be free to be ourselves in our relationships.

The right people will love us for who we are. I've realized its not worth holding back who we are. Ever.

We must choose to open up to love. And this begins with opening up to the love within ourselves.

Brene Brown sums it all up powerfully in these lines..

“We cultivate love when we allow our most vulnerable and powerful selves to be deeply seen and known, and when we honor the spiritual connection that grows from that offering with trust, respect, kindness and affection.

Love is not something we give or get; it is something that we nurture and grow, a connection that can only be cultivated between two people when it exists within each one of them – we can only love others as much as we love ourselves.

Shame, blame, disrespect, betrayal, and the withholding of affection damage the roots from which love grows. Love can only survive these injuries if they are acknowledged, healed and rare.” 

We make the choice to open up to the love within ourselves each day. When we learn to love ourselves first, honor our needs and boundaries, embrace our vulnerability and see that regardless of where we are and who we are with, we are worthy.

From this place, we know how to love another. Our love is free because we don't look for it from someone else, we simply share what we already have within us. Without the attachment and dependency, we love without expectation.

 And in the space and freedom, our love will grow in ways beyond what we can sometimes conceive until we experience it. It will extend into every area of our life and to everyone around us.

And its when we give ourselves the permission to rise up and shine, regardless of our circumstances or what other people tell us, that we also give others the permission to express their own limitless source of love.

When Not Giving A Fuck is Actually a Good Thing

Usually when I'm running, clarity comes to me. I think of great ideas and the most urgent calls for action become apparent. I know whats important, and also the shit I need to let go.

I'm sure many of you can relate. I've come to believe that it's the practice of moving our bodies and becoming present with our breath and the moment that we are able to move past the story of our minds and hear the whispers of our soul.

And bam, it hit me. Next blog. I'm going to talk about how we need to care less about what other people think. It's so important for our souls and the pursuit of living our dreams.

There will be many times when others don't agree or believe in the way we see things. This is none of our business and a great time to not waste any energy convincing.

Anything is true if we believe in it. Essentially, we become what we think about most of the time. If we think somethings possible, then it is. And vice versa. We have a choice on the thoughts we think, content we absorb, things we do and people we surround ourselves with.

It doesn't matter if everyone agrees, what matters is finding what makes us feel good. "Our joy is our greatest service to the world."

Everyone is entitled to their own truth and beliefs. And if someone is trying to put you down with their limiting belief system, it is a reflection of who they are and what they think they are able to accomplish, not you.

Most of the time, this would be the best time to walk away. We cannot change others, only ourselves. We can choose to be around people who lift us up. And the opinions that don't support or inspire our growth, expansion and love are not worth spending energy on. At all.

At the end of the day, the right people will stay in our lives effortlessly.

“Don't chase people. Be yourself, do your own thing and work hard. The right people - the ones who really belong in your life - will come to you. And stay.”

- Will Smith

We owe it to ourselves to not give a fuck what the naysayers tell us. Really, the only voice we need to listen to is the one deep within. It is also from within that our power lies and the best place to start if we want to follow our bliss.

When we stop caring so much about what other people think or needing external approval or permission to follow our dreams, we set ourselves free.

We get to define ourselves. Every day. From the moment we wake up in the morning. We get to choose.

The effect of making empowering choices is that we attract the right people and circumstances. Yes, we may not get the approval from everyone, but we follow our heart and find ourselves connecting with higher quality relationships and opportunities to grow and thrive.

Marianne Williamson wisely quotes, "Your playing small does not serve the world. There is nothing enlightened about shrinking so that other people won't feel insecure around you. We are all meant to shine, as children do." If we depend on the opinions of others, we serve up our power. Unconditional self love is to, regardless of what other people think, give ourselves the permission to live out our greatness and shine our light. From this point, we've found our true power from within.

And sometimes, this mean's not giving a fuck about what some people think.

Why We Need to Take Fun More Seriously

We all sometimes fall into the trap that in order to get things done, to move forward in life and attract the situations and people we want, we need to only work hard and take things seriously.

Now while I'm all for doing the work to create the reality we want to live in, I've also come to realize that fun and play are not opposite to work, they are the ideal compliments.

 "The opposite of play is not work—the opposite of play is depression."
- Brené Brown

Fun, laughter, play and silliness open our eyes up to spontaneity, creativity, new solutions and deeper connection with ourselves and the people around us.

Fun brings us to the present moment.

And fun is a choice. It's a choice in how we want to see things.

My current phone wallpaper is "Happiness is not a state to arrive at, but a manner of traveling." The other day this really clicked. If I'm setting goals, I want to have fun along the journey. This is also where the growth happens.

And the external results we attract (money, people, recognition) as a result of our work will naturally happen. We need not worry so much about the result, the result will happen. We need to focus on how we feel along the journey.

This doesn't mean we lose sight of the forest through the trees. Having a destination in mind demands focus and the vision of what we will create is a source of excitement and motivation, but it's on the journey that we find fulfillment.

I've played with the idea that fun is literally a mindset, an awareness, a state of being that raises our vibration. And science proves that laughter and mischief literally opens our mind as it raises levels of happy hormones such as serotonin and acts to rewire the neural connections in our brain.We naturally allow more positive ways of thinking into our mind.

This is serious biz guys!

Laughter is the best medicine, the best drug. It's interesting because the first blog entry I wrote in this blog was about the "Power of Laughter" and how many benefits we receive when we laugh. And now it's hit me once again. Full force.

I mentioned to my Life Coach recently that I want to be a fool. She asked me what I meant and I referred to the idea that we have this idea that we need to be serious and try really hard to get anything done, that it's supposed to always be hard. And it will be this way if this is what we believe. But since we choose our beliefs, I emphasized that it was time to bring more foolishness into my life.

You know how they say, "Set goals that scare you"? This intention literally scared me.
So I'm going to "be fun" and see what that attracts? She agreed and it clicked with me.

Now I want to clarify that having fun doesn't mean we don't acknowledge, hold space and honor our pain, anger and struggles. Of course we do. What I'm saying is that somewhere along the journey, we open up our minds to different ways of seeing things, and leave an open seat for fun.