On the Journey of Self-Love (+ my story)

It is said that the perspective we have on others and the world is a reflection of how we see ourselves. If we accept ourselves fully for all that we are, and perhaps even love all that we are as well, we are much more likely to love the people around us. The opposite is also true- if we are critical and destructive towards ourselves, it isn't a surprise that we are more likely to become critical of others.

Building a relationship with ourselves is not an easy thing to do. But I'll tell you one thing- it will be much easier to build strong relationships with others and know what we want in relationships once we have learned to be our own best friend.

There were many times when I looked in the mirror and hated what I saw. I have picked out every flaw and so-called imperfection. And I did this for a long time. Well, until I cracked.

 My own journey of self-love started three years ago when I struggled daily with the destructive cycle of emotional eating. I was on the verge of an eating disorder. I lived a life of trying to please everyone, trying to live up to certain standards that put unnecessary pressure on me during an already fragile point in my life.

From that point in my life I would have to learn to see myself differently because the way I saw things was destroying my body, mind and spirit. The beginning of any journey is always the hardest. We must let go of preconceived notions and surrender. Often we reach a breaking point where something needs to change. And often, at this point, we need to lay down our pride and ask for help.

After facing many challenges along my own journey, I can say that the struggle has been worth it. I am now in a much better place and even though it took a breakdown to make me realize that the way I was living my life three years ago was more suffocating than anything, I am grateful for all of it.

Especially today, we must learn to love ourselves, inside and out. Self-love is a tool that will improve our relationships with others and our general success in life. Expecting perfection is bound to cause exhaustion and maybe even a breakdown if we don't take a moment to be kind to ourselves and to strive for balance instead.

Every journey has its ups and downs and the journey of self-love is no different. There will be times when we will feel like we are sliding back into old habits. This is part of the journey and we must remind ourselves of how far we have come. I have learned that mindfulness (being aware of the present moment) paired with self compassion, are the best tools to stay on track. 
For more info on mindfulness, please check out my article: http://breathingeverymoment.blogspot.ca/2012/09/what-is-mindfulness.html)

It is also important to surround ourselves with loving and accepting people. People who are supportive and will be there at every step of the journey.

Much love,

Julie

The Value of True Friendship: "Who are My Friends?"

Hey everyone! Before I continue with this post, I'd like to share a quote that I really like.

“A real friend is one who walks in when the rest of the world walks out.” 

- Walter Winchell

Certain people in our lives stay with us for a long time. And other people come into our lives for a relatively short period of time. Due to circumstances or whatever the case may be, the close friendship we once experienced is lost. Often happening unexpectedly and at a times when we in fact need friends by our side, it can be a difficult situation to deal with.

This is not to say that short friendships are not valuable- in fact, they can teach us a lot and leave a powerful mark on our life that greatly affects our future. Perhaps we even have an encounter with a stranger who changes our life forever- maybe not in the category of friendship, but certainly proof that quality is much more important than quantity.

However, for the sake of tough times, it is the people who stay by our side no matter what that we never forget. These people not only teach us a lot about friendship, but touch our hearts with their care and support. These are the people who accept us, in both our highs and lows in life. They see our true selves and love it, every step of the way. They help us stay strong when we feel like our world is falling apart and they encourage us on each step of our life journey.

Building a diverse social circle is important and enriching to anyone's life. It is valuable to connect with different people, who can each teach us something and help us to broaden our perspective. Having many friends is not a bad thing at all. 

However, it is practically impossible to have many close friends at the same time. True friendship requires effort. We must show the people we care about that they mean a lot to us, and we must do this often. It can actually become overwhelming and stressful to try to focus on the number of friends we have rather than the quality of each relationship. We want something that is meaningful, we want our friendships to mean something. 

Here is a quote by Kelly Osbourne:

"I say find one true friend to help you through the tough times."

Especially when times get tough, we cannot afford to spend time on fake friends- these relationships are exhausting and we should avoid them even when we do have the energy. Being selective and learning to set limits is a good thing!

Having one true friend during a difficult time, or at any time, is much more valuable than having many friends who are not understanding and supportive. The number of friends we have on Facebook or on our phones is not a representation of quality. Having one tight group of friends, or two or three true friends, or even one friend who truly understands and supports us is a representation of quality. 

Ill admit it. Sometimes I prefer to go see a movie alone, rather then spending time with people who bring me down. It's not worth it. Period. Sometimes I want to do something and a close friend is not able to join me. Why should we stop ourselves from doing what we want just because others aren't able to join us?

Recently I have realized the value of true friendship- having someone by my side through thick and thin. This is something to be grateful for. Notice the people who you truly feel close to in your life right now. These are people to cherish.

Much love,

Julie  

 

Feeling Your Pain, Expressing from Your Heart

 

Over the past few weeks, I haven't been as active with my writing as I usually am. My apologies for this delay. It has given me much-needed time to reflect and gather my thoughts.

I needed to center myself around important things that needed attention. And throughout this time I have learned a lot. It hasn't been easy, but it has been worth it. And I want to share it with you.

We have all had painful experiences, we all know loss in some way or another. Whether it is a breakup, divorce, loss of a job or friendship, loss is difficult to deal with. Its like a train that is approaching that you don't want to get on, but you know you have to get on in order to move past where you are to get to where you want to be.

I aim to be personal with my blogs, but I am going to try to be more open then I have ever been with my writing in this article because I know that more honesty allows for more understanding.

In the past few months, I have been faced with a few losses- some happened recently and others are older but have taken longer to deal with. And this is not to say that I haven't enjoyed many positive experiences recently- I certainly have. I am also traveling to Europe and the US in the next few weeks, something I have been meaning to do for a while.

But excitement and adventure cannot blind us from what is within us- even if it is painful. Any painful experience, such as loss, needs our attention. We must grieve and feel the emotion. Believe me, I know its hard. But this is not to say that we can't nurture ourselves in the process of grieving. We can be kind to ourselves and be open to help.

We can feel the pain and move with it too by expressing ourselves each day in the world, even with our vulnerability. We can take risks and be courageous in the face of vulnerability.
We can be honest and tell people how we really feel, even if we are not as put-together as we expect ourselves to be. In fact, I believe that true beauty is found in imperfection.

If we keep our emotions bottled up, it may look nice on the outside, but they will accumulate and eventually come out at some point. It is important to express what is inside. It is ok to not be ok. We develop into much more appreciative beings when we are able to embrace our pain as well as our happiness.

Keep in mind that crying is no sign of weakness- it is actually one of strength. The only way to reach our truest selves is to embrace each step of our inner journey, whatever it entails.

I spent some time indoors today while it snowed beautifully outside. I allowed myself to do nothing other than to be with myself. And I can tell you, its not easy.

We fear being with our own emotion more than most things. This is because it is unpredictable. How long will this last? What if it takes over my life? Keep in mind that these are all fears that become irrelevant when we are able to let go and embrace what is. By moving through the emotion without putting a deadline to when we think it should end, we are able to move past it.

Trust in yourself. Trust that you will move on. And most of all, trust in your strength to face what is.

With much love,

Julie